Tense

The muscles tense
Squeeze
Press all the blood
Life
Away to the body

The muscles relax
Stretch
The empty spaces expand
Void
The void calls the blood back

In youth, I pushed the life away from the center of me
Scared
Holding tight so I didn’t drown
Tense
Wishing the blood would never come back

I grew to fear the void
Empty
Wondering how the blood felt so thin
Longing
Did I push life away?

I found a love
Unprepared
I felt the blood thicken
Rich
And I returned to pushing

We created life
Miraculous
And I met myself
Exposed
I began to see the shape of love

I was shown things I’d always seen but never saw
Clarity
I came to know my fear of life
Helpless
I loved the rich blood, and loved pushing it out to fill me

There is a new hole in my heart
Void
Made from the space of love removed
Agony
But sometimes I can love the hole, for what it was once full of

I am still journeying
Seeking
I still don’t feel the returning life as rich
Unfulfilled
But I’ve known great love, and know I am not empty.